The Other Side

I remember the day I got the news I had been diagnosed with Cancer. It was surreal. I got in my car and sat for a minute or two. Why me? Was this karma for all the things I'd done wrong in my life? I felt very alone. I took a deep breath and drove home. I made a list of all the things I needed to do. I started writing a journal for Tommy. This was my "just in case I die" journal. Nearly 9 months later I sat in front of my oncologist again as she gave me the news that the cancer in my body had metastasized to my stomach and intestines. I had now been upgraded to stage 3. This time was a little different. I had recently broken up with my fiance and had discovered that much of our relationship was an illusion. I was at an emotional crossroads of sorts. My body was being torn apart and my personal life was a wreck. I felt so much guilt. As the years have passed I've realized how much I want a family. I was orphaned as a baby and later adopted. My childhood was abusive to say the least so I've always longed to have a family that I knew would never leave me and I in turn would never leave. My divorce from Tommy's mom left a large hole. As I sat there being told about the spread of the cancer in my body and the chemo treatments that were to come , I had this horrible thought. I was going to die and in turn abandon my son the way I was abandoned. While I put on a brave face, I slowly slipped into a depression. I was angered and hurt over the loss of my relationship. I had been lied to and led down a path that was very one sided. As I settled in to my once a month chemo treatments I came to an inner peace. I was going to fight as hard as I could. I was going to workout as hard as I could and strengthen my body as much as possible in spite of what the chemo was doing. I pushed every day. Probably a little harder than I should have. More than once I've been found by the side of the road struggling to get back to the gym after a poorly planned out run. I gained a great deal of clarity during the workouts. I closed the door on part of my life and opened my heart to what I felt was my true purpose all along. Beating cancer and being the best father I could. Strangely enough , something very funny happened. Time and Life threw me a line. I had lunch with a close friend who made a very insightful observation. "Tom, Have you ever considered dating a single mom? A single mom will get you. A single mom will appreciate the time you spend with your son. A single mom will view your willingness to provide for you ex wife as a positive. A single mom will look at you with maturity." Two days later I met Nicole. We had both spent enough time in nonproductive relationships and were certain of what "we didn't want" in lour lives. She had 2 beautiful children. I've heard the Phrase"I just knew" before and to be quite honest, I've never bought it. Silliness I thought. But, as I sat across from Nicole I just knew. It's an earth moving feeling. I felt as though I had just been punched in the gut. At the same time I felt as though I had just been given a huge breath of air. It was almost as though the world got a great deal brighter.
So here I am on the other side of a very tough year. I'm stronger. I'm so much happier. So much more full of life. I'm invigorated. I'm inspired. I'm more than a little .....energized. So here's a thought. If you could join a the best fitness facility in your town for the bargain price of 1000.00 a month would you do it? Probably not right. What if you got 50.00 off your monthly dues every time you came in. So if you came in 20 times in a month your membership was free. Now ....would you do it? Just a thought. Stay strong. Stay fit. Burn more calories than you take in. Crossfit is just a fad(don't buy into it), Yes pilates works, don't go to yoga class...stretch at home for free, group fitness is the wave of the future, of course Clemens did steroids, The NFL team owners make so much more money than the players, MMA fighters are the best physically conditioned athletes in the world, fat free doesn't mean calorie free, conceive believe and achieve, and .......don't just survive...thrive.